Umpqua Rushing

Panic in the first beat of the morning, 
Even what I've got isn't worth offering
If I can't cross the sheets and hold your beat. 

Talking in the street with who is listening, 
Nothing that I say is worth remembering. 
Even faces change- my heart stays the same. 

Engine in the sky won't let the moment go, 
Following behind always a second slow. 
If I'm far away, am I hearing straight- I'm no voice you want to know? 

You've been a forest burning no direction, 
Caught me sleeping smoke in my protection. 
Your blackened branches drifting through my water- 
Are you wrapped up in his arms? I'm rushing faster and faster. 

Panic in the taste of all that could have been, 
Even what I thought wasn't worth giving, 
At least my mind has changed. 

I've been a forest burning no direction, 
I tried to hold you, I tried everything but running. 
My heart is panicking- are you kissing him?
Are you reaching through all your days with him? 
Your blackened branches drifting through my water-
Are you over me? Are you? Are? You are. 
I will not hold you. I will not feel your sway. 
I will not miss you. I will not think each day, 
Of summer twilight, your eyes rushing through me deep, 
I saw my own waters rushing right back to me- 
You sitting shotgun, the lost coast calling me, 
Umpqua Forest, your face just like in my dream…

Joik #3

Blessed with your line, you are blessed
At the hook that is pulling at all yet revealed.
You don't aim to shoot, you don't aim to win, 
You just know the way there by feel.
For all you could have been and who you are still.
For all you could have been and who you are.

One hand on your faith, one hand on a color
That pulls the whole world to your heart,
And I'm wanting to hold all that I still know in you
While this is still who we are.
To know just where you are and where you're not this far. 
To know just where you are and where you're not.

Cut from a hope, we're cut from the same
Metal that blooms its veins in the ground.
I have loved you in the body, in the breath, in the eyes, 
In the air still speaking your sound.
I don't know just where you are and where you're not now. 
To know just where you are and where you’re not.

Moon at Dawn

Are you quiet as your name on the day before it came? 
Are you in the meaning that it sang in me with its sound?
What name are you saying now?

Every dream stuck in my mouth, talking north and talking south,
You said you believed me as the sun will rise, without a doubt.
Are you believing me now?

You are a color now I keep with the dawn.
I'm going to keep it right until it is gone.
You are a color now I keep with the dawn.

Is the creek where you first swam bending all your breaths to sand?
If I looked in its mirror washing over me, bending me down?

You are a color now I keep with the dawn.
It's going to get me back where I belong.
You are a color now I keep with the dawn.

Packed Powder

I started working at the second hand,
I thought it would make me more colorful.
I saw the world as a stitch and patch.
I saw the sky as torn grey wool. 

I started working as a dime store clerk,
I thought it would make me the kind to put you first.
My only dreams were in fluorescent light,
My only goal was to forget what I was worth.

I want to see how it takes me.
I want to see how the powder burns.
Don't want to keep what I can't have more of.
Don't want to wait and miss my turn. 

I started working as a tour guide,
I thought it would make me believe my own words.
Every patient thought just passed me by,
Every truth I said sounded just absurd.

I started working at a small town church,
I thought it would make me a better man.
They said the sins I had would fly away,
As if the birds were in the palms of my own hands.

I want to see how it takes me,
I want to see how the powder burns.
Don't want to keep what I can't have more of,
Don't want to wait and miss my turn.

Don’t Doubt

Now you don't have a word to call this kind of a year
That made you kneel and beg it to turn you right.
Two dead birds underneath the headlights- 
Every sound they ever made to call out they are alive,
Every piece of me that breaks, trying to keep from the side of doubt.

Don't you doubt. 
Everybody's seen some winter- don't you take the dark way out.
Don't you doubt. 
Even your breath is breathing for another one- 
Don't you just take the dark way out.

Thin wind ringing in the silver tines- 
Yeah, it took you by the throat but it wasn't the killing kind.
And now you don't tell it like you used to. 
Every day left in the dark is going to come back to you. 
Every hope left in your heart is waiting on what you'll do with doubt.

Don't you doubt. 
Everybody's seen some winter- don't you take the dark way out.
Don't you doubt. 
Even your blood is beating for another one- 
Don't you just take the dark way out.

Don't you doubt. The reasons are all dead and they're growing in the ground. So why does it give? Why the take? Why the bitter kiss? Why the me? Why the anything? Just be the man. Be the child. Be the cold midnight soaking the bones of this town. In the breath, in the beak, in the honey taken from every green thing giving sweet. In the call, in the pull, in the want and want, in the sound even your own body knows. All there is, seed and shell- your hands are lined with all that they haven't held.

Seeing is Believing

Seeing is believing,
How many moons has that darkness hid?
All my good friends, all my dead ends,
Some to thank and some to forgive.

Oh my father, I've got your fever. 
I'm holding my breath in your wishing well.
This is just time's thirst. This is just everything hurts. 
You feel your own breath- the rest is hard to tell.

It's gonna lift your eyes up
All you haven't seen just yet, all you're holding to be.
It's gonna lift. You rise up. 
No, it's not a lot to hold, but this life is going to make you believe.

I know it will
 
Seeing is believing,
How many moons has our own darkness hid?
Hear the train brakes. Hear all your old voices shake
As you are saying it right now, just like it is.

It's gonna lift your eyes up,
All you haven't seen just yet, all you're holding to be.
It's gonna lift. You rise up. 
No, it's not a lot to hold, but this life is going to make you believe.

I know it will

Which Side I’m On

Even the robin that cuts the dawn- 
Even his sound knows which side he’s on,
Nothing that stays where it has been in the black. 
And the light is a candle on my screen. 
It flickers the reel of this same old dream, 
Holding me in this middle moon, looking back.
I won't let it drink me down like a secret. 
I won't give in anymore than I've given. 
No matter how or hard enough, 
I'm still gonna drink from that broken cup. 
Yeah, it knows which side I'm on.

I have done wrong, I’ve done wrong, I’ve done wrong,
And that weight will follow me, but that weight is the world's, 
And the world is not mine- it is the place where I am.
And I have lost, I’ve lost, I’ve lost,
And that won't let go of me. 
But that story’s not me- it's just who I can't change and not who I can.

I don't see the desert for its sand.
I don't see the water for dry land. 
All that I love has turned to fuel for the fire. 
And it's gonna burn me with its touch. 
It's gonna fill my loving cup. 
Yeah, it knows which side I'm on.

No, that story’s not me- it’s just who I can’t change, and not who I am.

All it keeps me from

It Was Enough

If I came to you in thunder, 
Not one shiver in my heart,
Black as crow against the white lies of the morning
Trying to tell themselves apart.
All apart, all apart.

And if it’s everything you’re waiting on,
I know that’s easy to do.
If your light is shining in another’s arms
I can’t say it isn’t true,
It isn’t true. It isn’t true. 

But just to see the sky split its arms open wide,
It was enough.

If I came to you in sunlight,
Not one reason in my heart. 
Like the colors sleeping underneath your garden,
Trying to grow themselves apart.
All apart, all apart.

And for every year just wondering,
If I could ever fall enough.
If I had grabbed your hand in thunder,
While everything was struck,
While I was struck. I was struck.

But just to see the milk of stars right through your eyes,
It was enough

What is Yet

Wake up my brother,
Lift your covers and see your breath.
Look out our window,
The sky looks hollow and dark as our own death.
Bones of our bodies, seeds of our tall trees,
And years all frayed.
Oh what will I become, when the pale light brings a dawn when I
Can't hear you say,

“Brother, you don't have to fight so hard it eats you up inside. Breathe and feel the sun. You can see it in the shallow tide. You can see it in our mother's eyes. Here, all for what has come, all for what has come."

Flock and feather, tied into each other
And we’re born in, burning,
To return to one another.

Wake up my sister,
Doesn't the water sound nearer, your road farther away? 
And no, it don't come easy. 
There is a wave's weight over me but I
Can hear you say,

"You don't have to be the only one. You don't have to be the golden sun. Breathe and let it set. You can see it in the way we need. You can breathe it in the cedar leaves, blowing smoke and sweat. We can see it in the pale light. We can see it in each other's eyes. Here, all for what is yet, all for what is yet."

Like Lions

There are those among us willing to get by on anything, 
Hollow hope of what is coming, a lifetime dangled by a string.
But this ocean dives so deeply and this river runs so wide, 
I won't be counted one among them until my soul is satisfied. 
Brick and brick of buried hunger keeping all desire dark, 
And then we are like lions- we are tearing it apart.
There are those among us lying, saying nothing is for free. 
And then we are like lions- we will not leave until we eat.

Playing kings and playing peasants, do we get what we are owed? 
An eagle comes and talks of failure. A rabbit offers up its throat.
Will they buy even our breathing, a river strangled by a damn? 
Less than one percent are taking so tell me who dries up this land. 
Is it worse to see no future? Is it worse to be afraid? 
And then we are like lions- pumping fire in our veins. 
We are born in perfect hunger. We are born with perfect need. 
And then we are like lions- we are baring all our teeth.

It is coming down the mountain, fear that holds you like the cold. 
It wants to settle in your footprints, keep you still from where you're going.
All you think you know of losing, all you doubt of innocence, 
That big sky still hangs above you. Every day just want to quit.
There's no light you see to guide you and it scares you just to say. 
And then we are like lions- nothing dares get in our way. 
See your faithless sails drifting and your truth just cut apart. 
And then we are like lions- we are golden in our hearts.

And then we are like lions- we are standing on two feet. 
Hang it on the kitchen wall for everyone to see. 
Get out your banjo so we can sing. 

There are winds that wrap and hold me. There are whispers in the trees. 
I cannot hold all that is sacred. They are holding onto me.
Kiss the years that all are dying. Kiss the face that makes you stay. 
They are in your rhythms walking. They are showing you the way.
Breath and breath above a sickness shouting threats upon your life. 
And then we are like lions- we are fool enough to fight.
It will cheat you in the balance, taking more than left to live. 
And then we are like lions- we are strong enough to give.